Results for Week 1503 – a contest of songs related in some way to food – are a perfect example of this. If you were to sing all 19 songs, including six video performances, you would reach number 19, what, half an hour later? One o’clock? Even emphasizing shorter songs at the top, removing repeats, etc., this is the most I can expect from a reasonable reader.
And so my long “short list” is full of clever, funny, well-crafted parodies who should wear Loser t-shirts.
I hope you’ll take the time to peruse the page for all the honorable mentions, so I’ll try not to keep you here at Convo for long.
But just as an example of the depth of our bench: I hadn’t anticipated this, but a number of losers have cleverly used the food theme of the week 1503 to write about that famous tantrum at the lunch table: the Trump White House Ketchup Splat, fascinatingly told. by aide Cassidy Hutchinson at the January 6 hearings. Several Ketchup Splat entries made my shortlist, with veteran Loser parody Barbara Sarshik scoring a runner-up spot.
Here are the other Splat finalists, in whole or in part:
Pout all you can sulk
(on “The Army Goes Rolling Along”, the US Army song)He was screaming, furious as hell, when things weren’t going well, and the ketchup was sliding on the floor. Become furious, full of hate, throw his hamberder (and his plate), with the ketchup oozing right on it. It smoked and shivered, then lifted a well-done steak, staining the walls a reddish brown. The taste of the White House stained by a rotten child as the ketchup continued to flow.
(West Point grad and longtime loser Randy Lee)
For “Up, Up and Away” Would you like to have dinner with a handsome tycoon? Would you rather hide from the angry orange baboon? We could have a nice lunch together ruined by When burgers fly; Yes. he let the ketchup fly away and walked away, Like a pie thrower, a cartoon angry child The dining room is disfigured by this madman. The country has been degraded by this maroon from the Looney Tunes. He’ll call the doorman, blame another guy ‘Cause he can lie, he can lie Ketchup and walk away Like a condiment, a typhoon of condiments!
(Bridge) He steps over the broken dishes We will crawl on the floor to find a place to hide. If by chance your thoughts turn to mockery; He’s trying to divide us, This loser, foolish Midas gold. He’s immortalized by a big balloon baby High up in the air, the allies ridicule our jester With his little hands he’ll swing our dreams across the sky For he can lie, and he will lie. Ketchup and away With our beautiful, our big Buffoon Put hot air balloon, put it away.
(Longtime loser J. Larry Schott)
To “Counting the Flowers on the Wall” (an excerpt) …Throwing ketchup against the wall I don’t mind at all. Grabbing my driver’s throat when I have to block the vote. Claiming every land I lost is just a kangaroo. Don’t tell me anything, I have nothing to do.
As I regularly do with our glut of excellent entries in our parody contests, I’ll be sharing more ink-worthy “noinks” over the next few days in the Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook; just search on #parodies and a list of posts should appear.
At least one of those noinks will belong to Duncan Stevens, who can take solace in having earned another clown achievement for being the first five-time winner of the Disembodied Clown Head on a Stick trophy. Sing along to his parody of “Wouldn’t It Be Nice” and see how the lyrical accents fit perfectly with the melody and rhythm – and, more importantly, how they make you laugh: “Pumpkin flavored spice in a Belgian waffle / Pumpkin spice potato chips / Pumpkin flavor burgers: that’s just awful / Pumpkin flavor spam? Not on my lips.
And at least one more will go to runner-up Mark Raffman, who pulls off a rather rare guest feat of parodying a power-chord rock song, in this case the surviving screamer “Eye of the Tiger” – his delightfully ironic youthful vigor when used for a song about battling constipation with a “high fiber diet”. (Meanwhile, Mark’s usual parody fodder, “Be Our Guest,” went inkless this week, even though at least six Losers — none of them — submitted “Guest” songs. )
Two more veterans fill this week’s Losers’ Circle: Rob Cohen’s supercharged song with a punchline and Barbara Sarshik’s ballad Ketchup Splat join their voluminous parody song lists.
Meanwhile, I was totally won over by Marty Gold & Kids’ exuberant “Ode to the Chinese Buffet” video, and not just because I’ve always been a sucker for said establishments. Clever lyrics (Dad Sam gets a co-credit), great singing, contagious joy — and does Marty play, man-band style, the very first orchestration of “YMCA” for many clarinets?
But you don’t need a whole show to make a good video: I was also charmed by first offender Judy Freed from Florida, who simply sang (beautifully and perfectly clearly) in front of a camera, backed by a karaoke track, for a knockout parody of the “Pippin” song “Corner of the Sky” in which she touts pie therapy. Judy also kept her video to under two minutes, as did Jonathan Jensen — who can sing, play the piano and stare at the camera simultaneously (not to mention make funny faces) — with “It’s Not Easy Eating Beans.” Without a story or meaningful visuals (e.g. a slideshow or on-camera action – like the video of Sandy Riccardi putting the “nut” in Nutella), you’re asking a lot of viewers to sit and wait for your next line for several minutes at a time. It helps if the music moves too.
In the meantime, if you’ve been robbed of ink this time around, most of the parodies shouldn’t look old by the time we hold the Second Chance Retrospective contest in December. I will probably run one from week 1503.
What pleased Ponch: Ponch Garcia, editor of Ace Copy, read the printed invitation, which had room for nine of this week’s 19 parodies, and declared them “uniformly clever”. Everyone wins ! The printed list – which favors songs, especially shorter songs, which I think will be familiar to generations – included the top four winners plus Beverley Sharp’s Dracula ballad, “If I Only Had a Vein”; the “Supercalifragilisticexpialadocious” lines by Melissa Balmain and Hildy Zampella (even the title was truncated to fit in a type column); “My Favorite (Fattening) Things” by Nancy McWhorter; and excerpts from “Chinese Buffet” by Marty Gold and “This S’more That I’m Eating” by Sarah Walsh.
We Ride For You: This Week’s All-New State Slogan Contest
Your most haunting Style Invitational readers may have noticed Bob Staake’s greater involvement lately beyond drawing the weekly Invite cartoon since 1994: instead of “What do you want me to draw?” Bob has often produced his own examples for recent contests, even providing a well-designed one for the Limerixicon.
I’m thrilled to have Bob as a collaborator – after all, it was his creative input as a temporary Year 2 replacement that prompted my predecessor, the Tsar, to keep him on forever. But as he became a wildly successful and famous artist and author over the next three decades, Bob naturally turned his creative endeavors elsewhere, in many directions at once, and kind of stopped at the end. invitation once a week for the good old days.
Maybe it’s nostalgia on his part, or just a temporary breather after all his book projects and speaking engagements, but over the past few months I’ve started to think of him more as a partner again than the guy. who I send an assignment to. And then, just recently, Bob sent me an e-mail: “This came to me in a dream last night and I think it has tremendous potential.” Then he presented what, without almost no changes, is this week’s contest, week 1507, along with several compelling examples.
Just two weeks ago, I’ve been running another place name contest, for “sister towns” people in the loser community might still be in map mode and ready to apply for this week’s contest: use the first letters of consecutive US states in a “route” as the first letters of a slogan describing the state at the start of the rout.
So much easier to show an example, like Bob’s which I didn’t use: FLORIDA: An alligator always tastes like game (Fthe. Athe, ga., Athe, Jfinally, ga.)
Meanwhile: We’ve held state slogan contests in the past, but not for long. A word of warning: don’t describe any state by saying there’s nothing interesting about it. In other words, don’t brag about being ignorant.
Ink text files of past slogans (scroll this week’s new contest to winning slogans):
Week 640, state currencies (my competition)
Week 231, mottoes for the back of the new state-themed quarters (the Czar’s contest)
Week 2 (!!), Maryland motto
Give it a shot. If I don’t have enough good stuff in four weeks… I think I might find an extra song parody to perform.
Inking Aloud: Coming soon – the invitation and the audio chat!
I can’t wait to see what happens with next week’s invite and conversation: like many other Post articles, they will offer the option of an audio version! It’s automated, but it’s usually so good it takes a minute to figure it out. (Here’s a random story from today’s log; click the ‘Listen’ icon just below the photo.) Next week’s results will be 100 Scrabble tile passes from week 1504, which Ms. AI should to be able to manage – but what will happen when we come to neologisms?
Alright, go enjoy these parodies: Happy New Year for those counting to 5783 – remember, everyone has another day for week 1506; the deadline is Tuesday, September 27.